Never Forget!

Just want to take a moment to remember September 11, 2001...

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Migraine Manifesto

For the first time this month I have a migraine. It's past 2 a.m. and I can't sleep. I took Excedrin Migraine earlier this evening and the caffeine is keeping me up. Monday morning is technically here and I am still wide awake. I was almost asleep when my aura woke me up again. I see colors and flashing lights when I close my eyes. My mind started racing. Fortunately, I'm on the right meds now so I am not getting these dreaded headaches as often as I was earlier this summer. I'm on Topamax and I'm finally on 75 mcg of Synthroid again. I had to get a little snippy with the doctor's office, but a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do! This happened in mid July just before my trip down to Dallas. I had migraines on the trip, but now that I've been on this dose of the Synthroid for a full month, I can feel the difference at last! I feel great! Tonight's migraine is hormonal. I'll still get those. There's not much I can do about that. I just wish this one wasn't so abrasive at this particular hour of the night!

Vacation!

Our vacation is booked! I am so excited! Hubby isn't. I wish he would be. He is upset about money. I booked a perfectly affordable trip. I know I can sell enough in my business to more than cover the cost of the trip. I have goals that are bigger than the cost of the trip! I feel like a vacation would really help us right now. We never had a honeymoon. We've never been away anywhere since we got married three years ago. I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to schedule a little getaway trip to the beach to reconnect and rediscover each other and recharge our relationship. I got a great rate on the room and I'm not worried about other expenses. Hubby said he's not paying one dime for this trip. Well, that's good to know. :/ Good thing I'm working on having my sales cover everything. My retail sales goal for August is $2000. I'm $1600 away. This would be more than double what the trip costs since my profit is 50% and the trip is not that much. It is totally feasible and doable. He just needs to have a little faith! ;)

No Pitter Patter!

My husband wants a baby like NOW. I am so not ready. I don't know that I ever will be. And it's not really about being ready. I've never really wanted to be a mom. I don't go shopping for baby shower presents and get all weepy thinking, "oh, how I wish I could have a baby and buy all this stuff and have it around my house." That's just not me. I think it's cute and great and cause for celebration for other people; but I'm just not in that mindset. Hubby acts like this makes me a bad person or a bad wife and a bad woman. I was pretty up front. I said I might *might* want children one day (hey, I could always change my mind)...however, the maternal instinct just isn't here. I don't dislike kids, either. That is not the case at all. I just don't have a need to go through the whole pregnancy and motherhood thing. I love kids...especially kids that go home with someone else! Does that make me bad???
Hubby gives me guilt trips. Telling me how I'm so old (I'm not old) and it's going to be so hard to have kids this old. He acts like we're practically 40. We've both got awhile before that age hits. He also goes around telling people I hate babies and don't like kids. That couldn't be further from the truth. He says I lied to him about the issue of parenthood and that's not true either. I just have mixed feelings and it's not where I'm at right now. I'd rather feel confident that I want children. He doesn't understand. I wonder if he ever will. I wonder if I'll ever change my mind. I wish I could sleep!

Beach is a Go!

Today Hubby seems to be coming around. Maybe he just needed to some time to think and see the sense in boarding the dog. Today he was much more receptive to boarding the dog. I figured out I can save $100 on the room if I push it back one week, too. Now I just have to talk to my boss. We haven't put my vacation in writing in his calendar yet so pushing it back a week probably won't be a problem. He might even like that better since it's later. Surely things will be calmer if I go a week later, too. Here's hopin'!

Beach or Bust!

I haven't posted in awhile. Here's a brief recap: I worked Mary Kay like mad and made enough money to cover my bills and go to Seminar! I had a great time and you can read all about it over on Shades of Pink! Now I'm getting settled back into my regular routine. It's been rough because the trip was a great escape, but not exactly a relaxing vacation. It was business, after all. It was busy. I loved every minute of it!
Now it's back to work and August is the busiest month of the year for us. I already need another vacation! LOL So, I was bored and decided to look up Myrtle Beach vacation packages. They are quite affordable! I can totally up my sales in August and not only afford the vacation, but finish my Star! So, my goal is to hold 7-10 parties in August so I can finish Star which will enable me to take my trip in the process.
The trip is designed to be a honeymoon for me and Hubby since our anniversary is coming up next month and we never took a honeymoon. Hubby's never been to Myrtle Beach. That was our spot when I was growing up. My family went there just about every year. September is a fabulous time to go. My friend owns her own dog grooming business out of her home and she boards as well. Tonight she had a party at her place and I asked her if she boards large breeds (never sure). She said she would totally take Billy! She just charges $10/day! Do you know how awesome that is??? So, I told Hubby this and he is being a stubborn mule. He said he doesn't want someone else watching his dog. Well, I'm sorry, but a 14 hr car rid is not fun for a dog and it will not be fun for us either with the dog. My friend has a pool that she allows the dogs to swim in. My dog loves to swim. He would be living the life! She loves dogs. Where can this go wrong? I'm to the point where I'm just going to book this the way I have it planned and board the dog with my friend. If Hubby doesn't like it, well, maybe I'll be vacationing alone. Actually, two of my girls have expressed they will gladly go with me. That would work. The suite has a sleeper sofa.
Our marriage needs some help and I think the less stress the better. The dog is not going to run away. My friend has a fenced in yard and she has been in business for over a decade. I'm beside myself.

Fibromyalgia?

As I'm lying here in the dark wide awake I'm wondering if my CFS is more than CFS. Lately I've been experiencing a lot of joint and muscle pain. I'm wondering if I have fibromyalgia. I was looking at the symptoms last night on the Mayo Clinic website and it looks possible. I hope it's not that. I'm going to have to do some more research.

What I read did say that CFS, IBS, and emotional stress can be risk factors and triggers and I'm thinking I have a lot of those things and other things on the checklist so I wonder...

I Give Up!

Monday I went to have my blood drawn for my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone). While I was there I put in a written request to refill my Synthroid. I went the next day to get my prescription and it wasn't at the pharmacy. They faxed in a request. Today I finally made it back in to see if the prescription was filled. Well, it sort of was. First of all, they gave me generic which doesn't work very well for me. Second, it was for 75 mcg which is miraculous because until now I've been getting 50 mcg and cutting pills in half to take 1 1/2 pills to equal 75 mcg. I think that is stupid to say the least. Well, today's script instructed "take 1/2 pill daily." WTF??!!! I'm taking one pill daily. Not only is it ineffective because it's not the name brand Synthroid, but it's not the write dose. I've had it with this doctor's office. I don't even think it's the doctor. Last time she gave me instructions, they got botched up by the receptionist staff. I have little doubt that the same thing has happened again. I need to get referred to an endocrinologist.
Of course I'll take the generic for now. It's less expensive and I need to be on something rather than nothing for my thyroid and since I'm leaving in less than 48 hours for my Dallas trip, I need to just have something to go with me. I don't understand what the hell is so hard about prescribing 75 mcg of name brand Synthroid so that I just take one pill a day.

Where is My Mind?

Today I woke up feeling like I hit a brick wall. This might be a CFS flare up. Who knows anymore. I've had a migraine just about all day. It started off silent; meaning I just had aura and confusion. No pain. I had to run some errands to prep for my upcoming trip. The main thing I wanted to do was go to the banks. I needed to deposit my MK money. Last week I broke my all time sales record! I sold nearly $700! I needed to deposit the funds. I also needed to go to my bank with my savings to take out some travelers checks. I have my savings account for money in a pinch. This is so I don't spend every dime I have so when I need extra for a trip or an unexpected bill, it's there.
Well, I got to the bank to take the money out. I must've left my car key on the table where I filled out my withdrawal slip because once I was leaving I didn't have it. Then another customer was nice enough to tell me someone had asked if someone was missing car keys. I never heard it. The bank was noisy and I have a hearing loss that makes hearing in crowded noisy places difficult. So, thanks to her, I found my car key. A few hours later, I saw I had a missed call and voice message. Why I never heard my phone ring is beyond me. I must need to make the ringer even louder. It was the bank. They didn't say what it was about, but only that it was very important that I call back. Well, of course by the time I got the message they were closed. It was then that I realized, I didn't have my travelers checks! I either dropped them or left them sitting there. I totally remember puttng them into my purse; however, they aren't there. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm brain damaged. Seriously. The migraines are getting worse and more intense and when I have them, my brain does not function properly.
I went to Sam's Club w/ Hubby and felt like I was going to collapse the whole time. My head was starting to pound by that point. When we got home from the store I went to sleep on the couch for about 2 hours. I still have the migraine. I haven't taken Excedrin yet. I'm not even sure it's here with me. I had it with me at my parents' house and I may have left it there. I'm trying to cut back on the Excedrin anyway because at the rate I'm going I will have no liver by the time I'm 40!
I can only hope tomorrow is better.

Insomniac Unrest

Lately, I've been really restless. I don't know what my problem is. I'm not on any new meds. I've actually decreased my Topamax back down to just one a day and so far so good on that. I'm just wired all the time. I don't feel tired til 2:00 a.m. and I don't know why. Tonight is no different. I've been really excited about things happening in my business lately and I have an upcoming trip that is rapidly approaching and lots going on this weekend and next so maybe all the activity is keeping me up, too! Hehehe!!! No matter, I just can't sleep.

Then I was thinking, maybe it's just because I don't have a lot of time to myself. I want to talk to Hubby more, too, but he is always stressing about his new business and finances and that stresses me out, too. After a day of nonstop frantic phone calls at the office, I need peace and quiet. I feel bad, but that's the truth. I just want to chill. I want to blog or facebook or chat with friends online (not on the phone of course! lol). I hate being antisocial, but it's just what I need to stay sane I guess. I'm cherishing the time I have to myself that doesn't involve being strapped to a headset and a phone that rings nonstop.

I used to have this problem when I danced. I had a lot of physical energy that kept me awake from energy and adrenalin. Now it's mental energy. I'm not sure which is worse. I also wonder if I'm going to hit a wall with my CFS. I hope not. I have way too much going on for that to show up again. Maybe I'll feel tired by 1:30... :)

Happy Birthday, America!

Yea, I know. I'm 4 days late; 5 by now. I've been very busy. I had a great birthday on the 3rd and then Hubby and I went to a great 4th of July party! It was the first time we'd be out on the 4th in awhile. The last time I remember going to a Fourth of July party was when I still lived in my apartment so that was at least 5 years ago, but I'm thinking it was probably 2003. I got a horrible migraine that night and one of Hubby's friends had to tell him he should take me home because I looked so miserable. I really wanted to stay and endure it, but the headache just wouldn't go away. Since then, we've always just stayed in.

This year we went to a party out in the country. I had wanted to go see some fireworks somewhere, but Hubby didn't wanna deal with parking and walking and crowds. So we went to a party that his friend was having. It turned out to be a great decision! They had purchased their own display of fireworks! They bought the biggest possible without a license. I would have to say it was the most impressive back yard display I've ever seen! As an added bonus, since we were in the country, and it was flat we could see all kinds of other displays in the area! We saw everything from other homemade displays to small towns and cities! It was a very cool Fourth! Hope everyone else had a great holiday, too! :)

End of an Era

Lately I've been no different than the rest of the world no doubt. I've been reflecting on the world without Michael Jackson. Not only did we lose MJ that day, but we lost Farrah Fawcett who was an American icon in her own right. Just days prior Ed McMahon also died. Granted, he was much older, but it's still a death and what these people represent to me could be considered an end of an era. Even the loss of Billy Mays is unsettling. He has become quite known for his ads and he was young, too. It makes me think about my own mortality and all those morbid thoughts.
I know that Michael Jackson became quite eccentric as he was getting older, but it doesn't change who he was in history and what an amazing artist he had been. I prefer not to let the dark side overshadow the bright spots. He is a sad example of what bad parenting can result in as well as unaddressed mental issues.
I digress. It's just weird when such prominent people are no longer a part of the planet. I imagine years from now people might talk about where they were when Michael Jackson died. I was at a Mary Kay appointment. We had the news on. It was just a facial so not a large group. It was shocking to hear the news. There was a storm in the area so I had avoided driving home in that. It was a strange day.

Sick of Pills

I swear I've had the same migraine since April. I don't remember the last time I didn't have some type of migraine symptoms whether it was aura or pain. It could be allergies, but the air is much colder now and my head is killing me. Maybe it could be barometric pressure. I take Excedrin Migraine and sometimes it doesn't help as effectively as it once did. Now I'm back on Topamax and I don't know if that is so great either. It worked in the past, but now I'm on the same low dose and I think I'm going to have to take the doctor's advice and take two pills per day. If 50 mg doesn't work I don't know what will. Topamax is meant to act as a preventive measure. If anything, I've experienced an increase of migraine frequency. Not good at all.

My doctor gave me samples of this other prescription remedy called Relpax. It works, but I still feel like I have a migraine. It takes the pain away, but I feel sick and dizzy. Excedrin takes the pain away and I don't feel as dizzy. I still have other problems on that, though like aura. What a mess. I wish they would just go away and I wouldn't need to take any pills.

Life Changes

Things have been changing around here. They've been changing for the better. It's been very exciting. Without getting too into it, I'll say that things were less than picture perfect in this household the past couple of years and things were looking downright grim to me as time marched on. I was dealing with a lot of personal turmoil and I am very grateful for my friends who stood by me and saw me through to the end of the mess whatever that end may have been. ;)

So, things are not perfect now, of course. No situation is perfect. It is a lot; A LOT better than it was 6 months ago. One tiny thing that I think helped (albeit not in the way it was probably intended to help) was a book my cousin sent me. I still have not read much of it. It's not really my kind of book, but I'm open minded. I read it when I think of it or if something is feeling exceptionally challenging. The book is called The Power of a Praying Wife. I pray. Yes. But I'm not what you'd call a prayerful person; at least, not my definition anyway. I was raised Catholic and have that background so I'm not Godless or anything. I just don't get all wrapped up in Scripture. I'm aware of the writings and teachings, but not on an expert level. So this book is just a different view than I'm accustomed to taking and sometimes it's those different perspectives that put things into perspective. The interesting part of this story is not what I'm gaining from the book at all. I'm not sure I've gained anything yet. I've barely scratched the surface. What gave me goosebumps and made me think was when one day I came home from work and Hubby said, "I've been reading your book."

First of all, Hubby doesn't read much of anything unless it's DIY or home improvement stuff. Second of all, anything that has words like "prayer" in the title is typically an instant turnoff to him. So, when he said he had been reading it, my eyebrows raised a bit! So, Hubby's been reading this book off and on while I was at work. His overall opinion is what I might have expected. He thought it was kind of corny; BUT he really liked some of the quotes and then he was picking them out of the book to read to me. What really amazed me is that the "quotes" were actually Bible passages. This in itself was strange because Hubby is not a religious person either and went so far to tell me the Bible made him "uncomfortable." Which I thought was silly anyway. So, for him to open a book about praying and pick out Bible scriptures that he liked was a huge leap in my book. And maybe something I would consider a sign. So, yes, signs I see daily. I see signs of God every day in life. I just have my own way of perceiving I guess.

So, that was huge to me. Big sign that there is HOPE for a better future. :) I've been quite optimistic ever since. Not only was there that, but Hubby has been more of a team player. It's awesome. Things are balancing out more. We've been talking about starting a family that consists of more than ourselves and our four-legged friends. So, I am off the pill as I said I would do this month and we'll just see what happens. Hubby has this innate fear of being a father at age 40. It will most likely happen before that. I mean, it's 7 years away. Surely it won't take that long. I'd be content with 35. But at this point, whenever works for me. I'm not scared of being a mom anymore...I'm scared of being pregnant and going through childbirth; but motherhood doesn't scare me. ;)

Bookworm

Lately I have been reading more. It's great! At least a year ago I was trying to get more involved in reading to expand my vocabulary and just as brain exercise. I get so many migraines anymore that I really wonder if they are rotting my brain. I feel like my mind is turning to mush and I want to keep it more solid. Reading I think has helped and I think writing helps as well. So, some of my writings on this blog may amount to jibberish at times, but I'm at least getting my thoughts out in the open and making sense. This is always a good thing!

My reading materials lately have been that of the supernatural subject matter. It all started back in November when I decided to read Twilight. Then I realized it was not just one book! I read the saga in a couple weeks' time. I enjoyed it immensely! The Twilight movie really didn't do the book justice, but I've seen the trailer for New Moon and it has more promise. New Moon was my favorite of the four. Without spoiling it for anyone who hasn't read them, I'll just say this: Bella goes through a heartbreak and I could totally relate to her pain. It reminded me of a life experience many years ago. Sad, but true.

After I finished the Twilight saga, some friends (coincidentally? the same friends who recommended Twilight) said I should read these Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris. They are about vampires, too. I was caught up in the Twilight afterglow so I didn't want to jump into that at the time. So, instead of read Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. This is a great book! Dan Brown also wrote The Da Vinci Code. While The Da Vinci Code is also a very good book and I found it very entertaining, Angels & Demons is less predictable. I would have to say I rate it the better book.

When I finished Angels & Demons I decided I was ready to tackle these Sookie Stackhouse books. I checked out Dead Until Dark which is the first book of nine in the series. It's great. Great! I am inclined to say I like these characters better. I also like that these people are adults. So, Sookie Stackhouse is kind of like Twilight for adults; but one thing to remember: this series started before Twilight. I loved the first Sookie book and I'm trying to read the second book now. I've been sick a lot with my headaches and it is difficult to do much of anything with a migraine. I've been feeling better today so I'm catching up on writing the blogs first. I can't wait to get deeper into Living Dead in Dallas. :)